


Any Last Words?

by fidelisinfinitum



Category: Law and Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, Kinda, Loss, Major character death - Freeform, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 09:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11940774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fidelisinfinitum/pseuds/fidelisinfinitum
Summary: Olivia knew how the world worked. She knew that the words written on your skin were the last words you'd ever hear your soulmate speak. Olivia knew that it was a screwed up system, a way to make sure everyone always doubted themselves, or maybe she'd just been listening to Munch too much. Maybe it was a way to give people closure, to make sure they knew that what they had was the most right thing they'd ever have.But mostly, Olivia knew it didn't matter what she thought. All that mattered was that biology had found a way to tell her that Alex Cabot couldn't be dead.





	Any Last Words?

**Author's Note:**

> A soulmate au, because the tropes that plague other fandoms apparently aren't too common in svu fics.

Olivia knew how the world worked. She knew that the words written on your skin were the last words you'd ever hear your soulmate speak. Olivia knew that it was a screwed up system, a way to make sure everyone always doubted themselves, or maybe she'd just been listening to Munch too much. Maybe it was a way to give people closure, to make sure they knew that what they had was the most right thing they'd ever have. 

But mostly, Olivia knew it didn't matter what she thought. All that mattered was that biology had found a way to tell her that Alex Cabot couldn't be dead. 

***

The doctor had told them and at first Olivia had cried. She'd sank down on the horrible waiting room chair, letting Elliot put his arm around her. She didn't even register that she was crying in front of her squad, in front of everyone who had shown up for Alex. All she knew was that the woman she loved was dead. 

Soon, she found herself being led outside by Elliot. Her swollen eyes stung in the cool air. Dimly, she remembered the words as she sat down in the passenger seat. She pulled up her shirt, stared at the words that she had memorized, waiting and wishing for the person that would eventually say them. They said "Have a good day, love you" in a perfect script. As a child, Olivia had tried to replicate it and had failed miserably; her penmanship had always left something to be desired. 

Before they had even slept together the first time, Alex had shyly shown Olivia the scrawl written on her back, just underneath her neck and above her shoulder blades. They had said "Yeah, a good day, love you too" in Olivia's messy scrawl, and she wasn't ashamed to say that she'd cried. They'd known, at that moment, so how could she be dead?

She tried to tell Elliot as much, saying, "Elliot, she's not dead. She didn't say the words. So she can't be!" She tried smiling, but it felt more like a grimace. 

He sat stoically in the driver's seat, his head bowed, tears leaking down his face. "Olivia," he said, his voice raw, open. Regretful, as if he didn't want to say it. "Maybe you weren't soulmates."

"No," Olivia said. Denial was her drug of choice tonight, and she had enough to be high on it. "I know she's my soulmate, and I know she's alive."

"No," Elliot said, "That's impossible."

"It's not," she said, convincing herself as she was convincing him. "She is alive."

"She can't be, you saw her bleed out underneath you!" He was mad now, yelling. "She isn't alive, Olivia, you're kidding yourself!" More tears leaked out from her eyes, and, looking at her, he deflated. "I'm sorry. I'll drive you home."

She nodded, staying silent. If Elliot wouldn't believe her, then who would?

***

She was snappy and irritable with the rest of the squad for days, refusing when Cragen offered her time off. She couldn't bear to go home to their- her apartment. She stayed up late working, and when she got home she didn't let herself sleep, tried to throw herself into her work as she once had. But she couldn't feel anything about it anymore. She was only focused on her words. How could they be wrong? They were clearly Alex's handwriting, how could- 

Her thoughts were interrupted when Dr. Huang entered the squad room. "To what do we owe the pleasure, Doctor?" Munch asked, but his voice lacked its usual vitality. 

"I'm here to speak with Olivia, actually," he said, eyeing her concernedly. She stood up, let him lead her into an empty interview room. It was a slow day, the squad was mostly doing paperwork, which was what had allowed Olivia's mind to drift so far. 

Closing the door behind him, he asked her, "When was the last time you slept?" 

"I didn't know I was your patient, Doctor," she said, feigning disinterest. 

"You're not, you're my friend, Olivia."

"I don't know," she answered honestly. 

"Cragen told me that you don't believe she's dead."

"Because she's not," Olivia answered immediately. If anyone was going to understand this, it was going to be him. 

"Why do you think that?"

"Because my words aren't what she said last," Olivia explained, "and they have to be her's, they're her handwriting and everything." It sounded like she was pleading, begging for it to be true. "And I didn't say her words." Tears came, unbidden, to her eyes, stung them. She swallowed, trying not to show them. 

He had a sympathetic look on his face, which was almost worse than Elliot's anger. It was as if he felt sorry for her, but was trying to get inside her head at the same time. It was like her inner thoughts were being x-rayed, and she hated it. 

"Olivia, have you considered-"

"That she's not my soulmate?" she interrupted. "Yes, I have. But that's impossible. How could we have had that kind of love if we weren't?" She almost smiled then, the first one in days. 

"People love people who aren't their soulmates all the time. You should know that, working here like you do." His last words hit her like a slap, and her jaw tightened. She turned, leaving him in the empty interview room, letting the door slam behind her, and not even caring that the whole squad room was staring at her. 

She jerked open Cragen's door, said "I'm going home," and left. 

She didn't let herself cry until she was alone in the elevator. 

***

Alex's mother had asked her to pack up her stuff so she could keep it, and that's what Olivia set out to do with her impromptu day off. She started with the clothes, something she would have expected to be easy, but she couldn't look at a certain shirt without seeing Alex in it, she couldn't look at a certain pair of pants without remembering late nights that Alex had worn them on. She almost started crying again, seeing her faded NYPD tee shirt mixed in with the blonde's pajamas. 

She gave up on the clothes, leaving the cardboard box gaping open, as if it were a baby bird waiting for its mother to feed it. She moved on to the living room, looking through the pictures for ones Alex's mother would want. There was one of them on the courthouse steps, talking. Olivia remembered that day, it was a few days after they'd disclosed to their bosses, and they'd finally started to feel more comfortable about their relationship. That night was the night Alex had shown her her words. 

She put it in the box. 

There was one of Alex graduating from law school, a picture Olivia had dug out of one of the boxes Alex had brought when she moved in with her. She remembered those days, unpacking in shifts, hoping they wouldn't get a work call, laughing at old memories. She wasn't laughing now. 

She put it in the box. 

There was another, this one of them together at some bar. It wasn't one of the usual ones, but the squad was there, and it was Christmastime, so everyone was smiling. Alex was smiling at the camera, looking more beautiful than anyone Olivia had ever seen. Olivia was looking at her, a smile wide on her face. Even from the picture, the guys had joked, you could tell they were in love. 

She dropped it in the box, not caring if it cracked the glass on any others. 

She was just numb. 

***

They were driving, driving to meet the Feds, because of course this couldn't just be over. All Olivia wanted was for it to be over. Although there was a small part of her, a microscopic part, that really believed that they would tell them that there had been a mistake and that Alex was alive and coming back. 

There was silence in the car, save for the noises of the city at night and the tires. Olivia broke it, asking something she had never been ballsy enough to ask before. "Can I see your words?" 

A beat of silence, and then, "Sure." Olivia didn't know what she'd done in a past life to deserve a partner like Elliot Stabler, but she thanked God for it. 

They pulled up at the site where the Feds had said to meet. Elliot parked and pulled out the key, almost in the same motion, and started to unbutton his shirt. Written over his heart was "I love you, too, honey." It was in a perfectly round, feminine script, the kind you'd probably get from copying someone else's handwriting. 

"D'you think it's Kathy?" she asked, sure she was pushing her luck, remembering his outburst in the car the other day. 

"I know it is," he said, sounding manufactured, fake. Like his faith had been shaken. 

They got out of the car and let the Feds lead them to an unmarked vehicle. "What're we doing?" Olivia asked, frustrated at being dragged out into the night for something she was sure was pointless, the night before Alex's funeral. They didn't say anything, and simply opened the door. 

Olivia was sure she was having a heart attack when she saw the blonde. "Alex," she said, speechless as she always seemed to be around her. She felt vindicated, but got no joy from it. 

"I'm sorry," she said, and she was wearing a scarf, the one that Olivia always wanted to rip off so she could kiss her neck. "I wouldn't let them take me without saying goodbye."

"Your funeral's tomorrow," she choked out, and her throat felt raw. 

"Witness protection?" Elliot asked, because of course he would be the practical one in this situation. Alex simply nodded, as if that would make it any easier. 

"I'm sorry," she said again, her eyes pleading, staring, boring a hole straight into Olivia. She wanted to kiss her, to pull her into a hug and never let go, but she could tell the federal agents around her were getting antsy. She heard one bark into a walkie talkie that they had to move, and she was frozen. 

She reached out for the blondes hand, but Alex moved away. Olivia didn't want to cry, not in front of Alex, but she was. She didn't even know why she was crying. Was it because she was right, Alex wasn't dead, or was it because she wouldn't see her for a long, long time? The detective didn't know. But before she could make up her mind, before she could even say goodbye, the agents shut the door and started the cars, starting what might as well have been the funeral procession of Alex Cabot. 

"I was right," she said, looking up at Elliot when the cars were at last out of sight. 

"I know," he said, staring at the spot where Alex had disappeared.


End file.
